Tag Archives: humor

13 Things Wedding Planners Won’t Tell You

19 Jul
wedding table

via weheartit.com

1. I keep secrets.
At one wedding I planned, the cake went missing after the bride and groom cut it. The bride soon asked where the cake was. Turns out the servers had taken it upon themselves to eat it! We cut the pieces smaller and the bride never knew. Keeping things quiet is the secret behind making the bride think the wedding was flawless.

2. It stresses me out…
when the mother of the groom (it’s always the mother of the groom) steps in at the rehearsal to take over and change the plans. And it’s always the mother of the groom who hasn’t contributed a dime or offered even an hour of her time prior to the wedding who acts in this manner.

3. I hate feeling devalued.
When a potential client begins to nickel and dime me, I know they do not understand what it is I will be doing for them.

4. Don’t forget the tax and service charge.
Many couples overlook the “plus plus” when planning a menu. Everything has a tax and service charge, and it really adds up, trust me!

5. I still cry at weddings.
Being part of the family for that short amount of time is truly rewarding. It’s when I’m sent baby photos that I know I had a real impact on a couple.

6. Your parents are paying?
I hope you understand you may not get what you want!

7. I’ll go to great lengths to make sure your wedding is perfect.
Your wedding is my job and I’ll do everything I can to make it memorable, including walking miles to a florist in Jamaica to correct the $700 bouquet that arrived to you spray-painted purple.

8. We don’t wear headsets and heels.
We know the importance of comfortable shoes. People envision The Wedding Planner and think this job is all about glitz and glamour. We’re not Jennifer Lopez.

9. Just because you planned your own destination wedding…
doesn’t mean you can do my job better than I can. Yes, you may have found lower rates on Orbitz, but you don’t have access to the contract and package perks that I’m able to offer to my brides.

10. You’ve only known each other for 4 months?!
Can I get 100% upfront?

11. I do manual labor and other dreadful tasks.
I cannot even tell you how many times I’ve been on my hands and knees, sweating. I sometimes have to count the napkins and linens before they go back to the rental company. I’m talking dirty, smelly napkins, with food, gum and whatever else is on them. Talk about gross!

12. Flowers cost a great deal of money.
For the most part, they are flown around the world to their end user. Their prices are affected by jet fuel costs, inclement weather and by the fact that they’re living things that are not manufactured by machines and simply “cranked out.” Likewise, they don’t jump into their vases!

13. You can always elope!
It’s never too late to run away and have a relaxing wedding. You’ll have great memories to share with your friends and family once you’re home.

Courtesy yours truly, and a handful of sources from around the country.
First published on ReadersDigest.com

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Accessories gone awry

21 Mar

Laptops, nails, and puppy dog tails … I couldn’t believe I missed the news that OPI had teamed up with Dell to bring together two of my favorite things: nailpolish and laptops!

OPI Dell Dear Santa

via amominredhighheels.com

This morning I discovered that Dell’s design studio lets you joyfully “paint” their machines with an assortment of 20 classic shades. I was instantly reminiscent of other fly-by accessory faux pas so I pulled together a gallery, below.